This is a video update from a popular post I wrote awhile back.
Transcript
4 Quadrants of Mind Control
I want to clear up a lot of misconceptions around persuasion and influence in people that feel like it’s icky. I think it comes from a lot of assumptions that aren’t true or misunderstanding of the landscape of influencing people, and I would like to help you understand why. persuasion and influence absolutely should be in your toolkit if you are working on anything that makes the world a better place.
When it comes to this whole thing, I like to think of it in two different dimensions. Kinda like if we were, uh, drawing out a graph on this side, on the horizontal plane on this side would be. If you are trying to benefit yourself at the expense of somebody else, at their detriment, you’re, you’re gonna make them worse off.
While you are better off. That’s on this side. If you are going to help everybody involved, you and the other person maybe. You and your family, you and your employees, and your company and your clients and all of their families and all of their clients. And in that way, everybody and everybody that they are connected with is better off.
That’s the awesome side. This is the not so good. This is the, uh, very good, which is the win win on multiple levels, kind of fractal idea. The vertical side is what are you trying to change? Uh, if this was who is going to benefit just you at the expense of everybody else and everybody involved. Who benefits this is, uh, what are you trying to change?
And I know that these actually go together, but it’s easier to think of them as separate. Um, so if you are trying to change their beliefs, that’s up here, and if you’re trying to change their behavior, That’s down here. And if you behave in a certain way, you’ll learn to believe the certain way.
So I know it’s really a continuum, but for the purposes of this video, we’ll just make them, uh, be on separate sides of that spectrum.
So,
If you are trying to benefit yourself at the expense of somebody else and you are changing their behavior, then that is called coercion. I don’t care how you feel. I don’t care what you think. I don’t care about your opinion. I just need you to do something that benefits me, which is, uh, what robbing somebody is.
I don’t care how you feel about this. I just want you to give me your wallet. That’s the behavior that benefits me is you giving me your money. So that’s what coercion is. Now if I’m trying to change your beliefs to benefit me at your expense, that’s called manipulation. And the most common way of manipulating somebody is to manage the narrative, withhold facts and information that they would need to make a fully informed decision about.
Whatever it is that we are currently talking about, and if I withhold information, if I manage that narrative, if I don’t give you all the facts and information that you need, then you’re going to come to a different conclusion then you would have otherwise. So your beliefs will be out of alignment with reality, and you will believe that helping me is the right thing to do when it’s actually at your expense.
So that’s why. Changing somebody’s beliefs to my benefit at your expense is called manipulation, which is what most people think of when they think of sales or business. That I have to withhold things, otherwise you wouldn’t buy from me. And that’s to me the worst kind of business. And I also want you. To be able to recognize when it’s happening so that you aren’t taken in by somebody who is managing the narrative to their benefit and your expense.
That’s why I love talking about persuasion. And influence. So to me, changing somebody’s behavior to everybody’s benefit is what influence is. The example I’d like to use is going to a restaurant. I don’t need you to believe that this is the best restaurant. On planet Earth, I know that they’ve got something that you like.
I know that they’ve got something that I like and I know that it’s a good environment for the reason that we are getting together. Are we celebrating, uh, an anniversary? Is this a business thing or did we lose somebody and we need somewhere quiet that we can kind of get together and, and, uh, connect that way?
So, I don’t need you to believe it. I just need you to agree to go to this restaurant so that we can have the right kind of experience. So that’s what influence is, is changing behavior to everybody’s benefit. Persuasion is changing your belief and persuasion is the thing that is the most powerful because your beliefs inform your decisions, your behavior, and the actions that you take.
So if you can change somebody’s beliefs, you’re going to change their behavior moving forward from that point on. So that’s why persuasion is the most powerful and. It takes a lot of time to do it right, and to me, the biggest difference is between the intention of are you trying to help everybody involved or are you out for just yourself at the expense of everybody else, which is a win losee?
Or are you in a win-win across time and space and multiple relationships? So that’s why I think of it as. Kind of a quadrant of mind control of am I trying to change your beliefs or your behavior to benefit me or me and you and everybody else? That’s kind of the landscape of influence, persuasion, manipulation, and coercion.
So hopefully that helps you understand what somebody means when they’re saying persuasion is icky because it means manipulating people. That’s why there are different words, but most people think of them all as the same thing. But now you understand that topology and you can make your way through it as you see fit.
So if you like stuff like this, you would love to be on my email list where I talk about persuasion in sales negotiation, business relationships everywhere all the time. I send those out every weekday. You can go to
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So that you don’t miss anything else as I put it out. Thank you so much for watching, and as always, I like to say if you can change your mind, you can change your life.