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  • Beyond Maslow's Pyramid

    Beyond Maslow's Pyramid

    Hierarchy

    In 1943 Abraham Maslow released a paper exploring the typical development of exemplary humans, and since then his ideas have been spread world-wide as “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.”
    The basic idea is a person starts at the base of the pyramid, and each level must be mastered before they can begin working on the next level. Think about how difficult it is to appreciate the beauty of life when you’re worried about your safety. . .
    Most people want to skip the bottom level work and focus, instead, on top level ideas. This is like trying to build the 99th floor or a skyscraper without pouring a solid foundation first.
    Doesn’t work.

    100th Floor

    But what happens when you do all the hard work of taking care of your physical needs, you’re safe, you have incredible people who love you, you have confidence that could move mountains, your thinking is crystal clear, you smell the roses, and you put 100% of your potential into action.
    What now?
    Despite how valuable Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is, it’s still severely limited solely to personal development.
    It’s great introspection, but it’s still navel gazing, none the less.
    When you’re ready to look beyond yourself, welcome to the 100th floor where we start to look at how to think about your life in a context that transcends your personal limits.
    Your choices have impact far beyond your own boundaries. Every decision you make can impact everyone you’re connected to.

    Beyond the Pyramid

    There’s a whole life beyond your own wants, hopes, dreams, and wishes. Consider your place in a universe that’s way too big for your mind, and start making choices from a universal perspective that transcends your own limited scope.

  • Asshole Audit

    Asshole Audit

    https://twitter.com/debihope/status/8154179378
    One of the best things about my life, right now, is having the ability to pick who I get to spend it with. It wasn’t always that way, though.
    I used to be miserable & stressed out all the time. Then I figured it out; I was surrounded by assholes.
    I’m embarrassed by how long it took to put it all together, but I finally recognized the signs had been there the whole time. That’s when I came up with the idea of an “asshole audit.”
    Try it yourself. How many of these situations ring a bell with you?

    • Are you more bummed after hanging out with someone than you were before?
    • Does the thought of spending time with this person make you anxious?
    • Is there someone who’s a contrarian, and always arguing with you?
    • Do you get put down, ridiculed, or made fun of instead of being supported?
    • Do your friends interfere with fantastic opportunities you’ve created for yourself?
    • When you tell your friends about your success, do they turn it into a competition?
    • Are you spending all of your time listening to their problems but they have no time for yours?
    • Are they drama queens? Is everything a “disaster?“
    • Are they always telling you what you should do without asking you if you want to hear their input?
    • Are they telling you what you should do even though their own life is in shambles? (Are you acting on that advice?)

    I’ve been through it all. Whether it was a personal relationship, (or professional) I’ve seen every single one of these first-hand.
    I thought I was depressed. I thought I was never going to be successful. I thought I was a colossal failure.
    Turns out I was just surrounded by assholes.
    Now I’m constantly going through the behavior audit process, and I can choose how much time I want to spend with them (which is none).
    Make a huge change in your life, and only be around people who are on the flip side of the coin. They should encourage you, not interfere with your business without asking, support you, make you feel energized & able to accomplish anything.
    Final note: If you see yourself in those questions, you’re the asshole. It’s time to change how you’re living. You are worth self respect.

  • Patience is a Virtue

    Patience is a Virtue

    “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”  Jean-Jacques Rousseau

    In the time before bills, I loved getting mail.
    All through high school I had penpals from nearby schools, and most of them were people I met at debate tournaments.
    All of them were girls.
    Seeing an envelope with my name on it in a girl’s handwriting was one of my favorite things in the world. I’d want to open it right now.
    But I wouldn’t. I’d try an experiment instead. I’d put the envelope on my desk and leave it until I no longer felt like I had to open it. Sometimes that would take a couple minutes, or a couple days.
    The thing is, I couldn’t trick myself out of it, or lie my way out of waiting.
    The feeling of “have to” would have to be truly out of my system before proceeding.
    Flash forward to the time where I can instantly know any fact, have any food delivered, or flat abs in 2 weeks, I feel like instant gratification comes at a price; our well being.
    Science backs me up on this.
    In the late 60’s & early 70’s a scientist Walter Mischel came up with an ingenious experiment to test children’s capacity for delayed gratification called “The Marshmallow Test.”
    He would give a marshmallow to a kid and tell them they could eat it now & that’s it, or they could wait 10 minutes and if it still hasn’t been eaten, they will get a second marshmallow.

    Years later Walter checked in with the (now grown up) kids, and discovered they were more successful in school, got higher test scores, better able to handle stress, etc. Basically any metric we use to measure success, the kids who were able to wait were better at it.
    This seems to suggest that cultivating a practice of patience is one of the most essential skills that pays off the most. The clock is ticking, though. The sooner you start practicing, the more time you have for it to pay off.
    How’s your patience? What are you doing to cultivate it?
    Want to get started? I can help.

  • Cross My Palm With Silver

    Cross My Palm With Silver

    “Free advice is worth exactly what you paid for it.”

    ~Romany Saying

    Have you ever encountered an “askhole?” It’s someone who constantly asks you for advice, but then does the complete opposite of what you told them to do.

    There are few things that are more frustrating, right?

    Why is that?

    Wisdom of the Romany

    Imagine I’m a tarot card reader, and you come to me for a reading.

    It’s insightful, explains exactly what part of your life needs the most work, and then spell out exactly what you can do to get on the right track. It’s nothing short of the best advice you’ve ever gotten.

    But you pay nothing for it.

    You know what would happen? Probably nothing. You’d say thank you, walk out, and think “That was interesting,” then never worry about it again.
    Imagine you paid me $20,000 for that exact same reading.

    Now, how motivated do you think you’ll be afterwards?

    $20,000 worth!

    Before I started coaching, I used to share my thoughts freely with anyone who would listen. Over time, I’ve not only realized that free advice is essentially worthless, but a client’s motivation to put it into practice is directly linked to how much they had to pay for that information.
    They paid nothing for the info? There’s zero incentive to apply it.

    I’d give people great information & advice, but then they’d ignore it. They’d run into the problem I’d warned them about, and then have to work twice as hard to recover from it instead of avoiding it in the first place.

    At the end, we’d both wasted our time. Mine for sharing with someone who didn’t value my input, and theirs for spending time listening to it, experiencing the problem, & then recovering from it just to be right back at square one (but a little wiser hopefully).

    Nowadays, people pay me for my knowledge & experience. Since clients are willing to pay for their guidance, they tend to consider my thoughts much more carefully before making future decisions. My personal goal is to help my clients get 10x more value out of our time together than they pay me.
    This makes coaching much more rewarding in every sense of the word.

    Feels good to help people avoid costly mistakes. It’s nice to get paid for what you’re good at. And it’s nice to have significantly fewer askholes in my life.
    To some people I charge way more than they can afford. To some people it’s a drop in the bucket. Regardless of how much I stand behind, that’s always going to be the case, so there’s zero reason to race to the bottom of the barrel.

    I’ve found that the people who are highly motivated and invest in results are the best clients to work with.

    “Gypsies” figured this out generations ago.

    The amount you’re willing to pay for the solution to a problem tells the person with the answer how much they should care about your problem. You don’t care enough to pay? Then why should the coach care more than you do?

    Silver, Time, & Attention

    Now, I’m not saying you should have a money-based relationship with everyone in your life.

    Money isn’t the only currency that matters.

    You can pay in time. You can pay in effort. You can pay attention and really listen to what you hear.

    If I consult with someone who may not have the finances to spend on my insights, I have 3 guidelines I look to.

    1. My time (& yours) is valuable. Spend it wisely.
    2. You may never be able to pay me back directly, and that’s OK. If you’re ever in the position to pay it forward, do that.
    3. You don’t have to blindly follow my advice, but sure as hell think twice before ignoring it.

    You can see how there’s still a price to be paid, even though it’s not in terms of money. It’s still win-win!

    The nature of a successful coaching/mentoring dynamic (valued in either money, time, or effort) is achieving specific goals in a sensible time frame with metrics along the way to gauge results. With this dynamic, the client stays accountable, and the coach stays dedicated to the project.

    The coach is getting value in seeing their client succeed, and the client gets value in achieving their goals.

    Value for value is the only way the world works.

    (Otherwise it’s stealing.)

  • 5 Facets to Covert Operating

    Secrets of a Secret Agent

    If you want to see psychology in action, look no further than spies.
    They’re essentially mind readers in the fact that they can fully get inside the minds of the people around them, and then blend in without a trace. These skills aren’t simply useful if you’re behind enemy lines; these techniques work in everyday life & business, too.
    Here are 5 facets to the mindset of a secret agent (or “operator”) to maintain personal safety & control.

    Passive Mental Sonar

    Sonar is a type of echo location.

    • Active sonar is the process of emitting a sound, and then listening for the echos that bounce of objects. This is how bats finds bugs to eat at night.
    • Passive sonar is simply listening for whats already there.

    I came up with the term “passive mental sonar” as a way of explaining a general situational awareness that isn’t active enough to pique the interest of those around you.
    Our minds pre-consciously filter out most information that’s available to your mind so as to not be overwhelmed. The trick is to develop a keener awareness of relevant information about your surroundings through constant practice.
    If you integrate the practice of passive mental sonar into your daily commute instead of keeping your mind in your phone, you’ll be amazed at what kind of information you’re completely ignoring that a spy would notice in an instant.
    Knowing more about your surroundings is always advantageous should you need to respond quickly to a threat (real or imagined).

    Subversive Influence

    Influence isn’t the active of passive aggressive bickering, threats, or coercion. Instead it can be a subtle game of mental cat & mouse. With just a different word you can plant a suggestion in someone’s mind, and they’ll think it was their idea.
    People tend to believe what they tell themselves, so if you can get your suggestion in under their awareness, it’s as good as done.
    Effectively summed up as a subtle form of, “Don’t throw me in that briar patch!”

    Reading Integrity

    Integrity is the measure of someone’s internal, emotional, and physical structure.
    Being able to read someone’s personality, character, and intentions at a glance can save your life. On the flip side, understanding how someone would read you (and how to influence their conclusions) can be just as powerful.
    Spies are masters of disguise & leading others to underestimate their abilities.

    Gamification

    Most people look at dynamic situations as something where there is absolute zero control.
    If, however, you viewed every situation as a game to play, suddenly it doesn’t seem so daunting.
    People who allow themselves to be controlled by circumstances are operating at an animal/instinctual level. Cause & reaction.
    If you choose “cause & respond,” you will maintain more control over how the situation plays out.

    Social Plasticity

    Every society has its own customs, clothing, traditions, and so on. Your ability to blend in and “do as the Romans do” will significantly reduce the likelihood that you will be chosen as a target.
    Note: Going too far in your cultural assimilation is just as bad as not going far enough. Aim for becoming a part of the mental background noise of your surroundings.

    Geometric Multiplication

    If you implement one facet in your daily life, you will immediately see the difference. The more facets you integrate into your daily practice, the more you compound their positive impact on your decision making and presence.
    In a business context, you want to be able to keep your ears open to what’s going on without broadcasting too much of your own information, plant seeds of influence before you need the payoff, read the character of your coworkers (who you can depend on and who is going to climb over you), don’t take any of it personally (think of it like a game), and find a company with a culture you can easily mesh with. I’ve seen plenty of people fired for lack of culture fit, even if they were good at their job.
    Put all these to use and you’ll be a mind reading spy at work & play!
     

  • First Lessons

    First Lessons

    One of the first things you figure out when you learn to read minds is just how boring people are. So completely, unbelievably dull.
    Sure, being a mind reader sounds like fun until you think about how awful your Facebook feed is, and that’s the stuff your friends thought was worth sharing. Now imagine what they think isn’t worth sharing.
    That’s what it’s like to be a mind reader.
    Let me tell you why it’s comforting in a way (and completely freeing).

    Nobody cares about you

    Once you see just how often other people are thinking about you (never), your fear of looking silly evaporates. You’re free to learn how to dance. You’re free to learn Mandarin.
    Learning means being uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable means looking stupid.
    But nobody cares.
    Not even your Mom; she’s too busy wondering if she’s an awful parent & worrying just how badly she screwed you up.
    Don’t worry, you’re fine. You’re free. Nobody cares, and that’s wonderful. You can stop trying to measuring up to what you think other people want you to be.
    You’re a mind reader. You know better.

    Everyone is scared

    That they’re going to flub the big presentation. Of losing the client. Of being a bad uncle. Of being a bad lover. Of being broke.
    Of dying alone.
    Maybe that’s just me.
    The good news is everyone dies, & you’re going to die alone.
    Nobody can do it for you, but you can die surrounded by the people you love & the people who love you (sometimes those are the same people!).
    We’re all scared (mostly) hairless apes running around trying to shout loud enough into the universe in the hopes that, just maybe, our echo lasts a while after we’re done screaming.
    When you realize everyone is one missed green light from a total meltdown, you feel pretty good about where you are in life. You’re not perfect, but you sure as hell have it together better than that monkey in a suit bashing his briefcase against a rock.

    Nobody is unique (including you)

    Your problems? Those special circumstances that make you a snowflake unlike any other in the history of ever? Yeah, that’s not real.
    I don’t care what your problem is; someone’s been there before. You’ve been out-hipstered. Take a breath. Put down the double caramel macchiato, and repeat after me:

    “I’m not the first. I won’t be the last. If they made it through, I can too. If they didn’t, I will.”

    Everyone’s problems can be whittled down to, what? 5 things? Health, wealth, relationships, and I’d have to invent the other two.
    So, 3 things.
    It kept the Oracles of Delphi busy. It kept the gypsies busy. It keeps palm readers busy.
    They don’t have to come up with anything new, because you don’t have any new problems.
    Lost all your money? Wife left you for your brother? Your girlfriend’s roommate killed her baby by rolling over on it in her sleep, so she switched your live baby out for her dead one?
    Been there, done that. It’s in the Bible.
    Get over yourself, you’re not special.
    (and that’s awesome)

    People want to like you

    Because that means you’ll like them.
    We’re social animals. We want to belong. Even if it’s with a group that doesn’t fit us; we’ll go where we’re wanted.
    Once you start poking around in people’s minds and see they’re desperate for the approval of people who don’t even like them (like you) you’ll realize that’s how you are.
    Then you’ll stop wasting your time trying to impress people you hate just so they’ll like you.
    You’ll have so much more time for Netflix reading.

    You aren’t limited to reading the minds of the living

    You don’t have to talk to ghosts to read the minds of the smartest people through history.
    Nor, the stupid people, for that matter. (Even idiots write books.)
    Read a book! Reading is about as close to real mind reading as you’re going to get, unless you’re me.
    The author becomes some kind of wizard who traps an idea with words, condemns the words to some kind of prison (clay, stone, paper, or digital), where you come along after who knows how long, and unwittingly release dangerous ideas back into the world.
    Look what you’ve done.
    It’s all terribly exciting, isn’t it?

  • Insights from a Pickpocket

    Daniel Martin is a magician and a dear friend of mine. We’re both left handed, devastatingly good looking, and in the business of lying to people.
    He can do lots of things I can’t do.
    He can steal watches.
    If you ever have the pleasure of experiencing him steal your watch first-hand, it’s deeply disturbing. You think you’d feel it, but you absolutely don’t. (And that’s the secret to a lot of why your life sucks. We’ll get back to that.)
    Dan understands how attention works, and uses that knowledge for evil to his advantage.

    Step 1

    First, he gets you completely focused on something that doesn’t have anything to do with your watch.
    We’ll call that “Trick A.”

    Step 2

    Once you’re completely absorbed with Trick A (the distraction) he’s free to take your watch: “Trick Holy Crap.” Your mind simply can’t keep track of what’s going on, so you never notice it’s not on your wrist any more.
    The technique of actually removing the watch makes use of a hiccup in our sense of touch called proprioceptive habituation. That’s a fancy term for the fact that people will quickly adapt to a stimulus that’s always present.
    You can see an example of this in the movie “Blues Brothers” where John Belushi’s character asks, “How often does the train go by?”
    Dan Aykroyd’s character says, “So often you won’t even notice it.”
    https://youtu.be/S65lJGs7YC8
    This is why you don’t feel your watch all the time when you’re wearing it. If you were constantly aware of it, you’d be so distracted you couldn’t walk down the street.
    It’s the same reason you aren’t always thinking about your shoes, your belt, or your nose. (But you are now, aren’t you? Feels weird, right?)

    Step 3

    So there’s a lot going on.
    You’re already habituated to the pressure of your watch on your wrist. Then you’re focused on Trick A which allows Dan to grab your wrist tightly, and you quickly get used to that pressure. This enables him to do the more gentle work of unclasping your watch band.
    Since your arm got used to the firm pressure from Dan’s hand, when he releases it, your mind can’t distinguish the fact that your watch is no longer there.
    Add in some extra time between when he takes it and when he shows you it’s gone, and VOILA! It’s frickin’ magic!

    Why Your Life Sucks

    You probably already figured out what all this has to do with why your life sucks, but I’m going to spell it out because it took me forever to realize it for myself (and I’m super smart).
    You’ve gotten used to how much your life sucks. You constantly distract yourself from how much it sucks with stuff you think you like so you won’t have to think about what’s actually going on.
    You’ve told yourself, “I’m happy. I’m ok with how much my life sucks. This is just the way life is.”
    Lies.
    Dan & I can lie to you (and you never notice) because you’re busy lying to yourself.
    You need to get fed up. You have to do things differently.
    Otherwise nothing will change, and after your life slips away you’ll realize you’ve lost a lot more than your watch.
    You’ve lost your passion. Your drive.
    Your life.

    See It In Action

    Don’t think anyone could steal a watch from you? See Dan do it in real time. There are no camera tricks. No fancy edits to hide what’s going on. You’ll get to see the real work on what it takes to take something valuable from someone you love.
    Use this knowledge  to take advantage of everyone you know  for good.

    Like what you see? Want more? Go check Dan out at his site, and say hello!

  • Mission Statement

    Mission Statement

    Be a person of integrity and a source of positive change in the world through the use of knowledge and application of fundamental principles of life.

  • Welcome to the Site

    Welcome to the Site

    Here is where I will be posting my daily happenings.