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  • 4 Quadrants Of Mind Control Updated

    4 Quadrants Of Mind Control Updated

    This is a video update from a popular post I wrote awhile back.

    Transcript

    4 Quadrants of Mind Control

    I want to clear up a lot of misconceptions around persuasion and influence in people that feel like it’s icky. I think it comes from a lot of assumptions that aren’t true or misunderstanding of the landscape of influencing people, and I would like to help you understand why. persuasion and influence absolutely should be in your toolkit if you are working on anything that makes the world a better place.

    When it comes to this whole thing, I like to think of it in two different dimensions. Kinda like if we were, uh, drawing out a graph on this side, on the horizontal plane on this side would be. If you are trying to benefit yourself at the expense of somebody else, at their detriment, you’re, you’re gonna make them worse off.

    While you are better off. That’s on this side. If you are going to help everybody involved, you and the other person maybe. You and your family, you and your employees, and your company and your clients and all of their families and all of their clients. And in that way, everybody and everybody that they are connected with is better off.

    That’s the awesome side. This is the not so good. This is the, uh, very good, which is the win win on multiple levels, kind of fractal idea. The vertical side is what are you trying to change? Uh, if this was who is going to benefit just you at the expense of everybody else and everybody involved. Who benefits this is, uh, what are you trying to change?

    And I know that these actually go together, but it’s easier to think of them as separate. Um, so if you are trying to change their beliefs, that’s up here, and if you’re trying to change their behavior, That’s down here. And if you behave in a certain way, you’ll learn to believe the certain way.

    So I know it’s really a continuum, but for the purposes of this video, we’ll just make them, uh, be on separate sides of that spectrum.

    So,

    If you are trying to benefit yourself at the expense of somebody else and you are changing their behavior, then that is called coercion. I don’t care how you feel. I don’t care what you think. I don’t care about your opinion. I just need you to do something that benefits me, which is, uh, what robbing somebody is.

    I don’t care how you feel about this. I just want you to give me your wallet. That’s the behavior that benefits me is you giving me your money. So that’s what coercion is. Now if I’m trying to change your beliefs to benefit me at your expense, that’s called manipulation. And the most common way of manipulating somebody is to manage the narrative, withhold facts and information that they would need to make a fully informed decision about.

    Whatever it is that we are currently talking about, and if I withhold information, if I manage that narrative, if I don’t give you all the facts and information that you need, then you’re going to come to a different conclusion then you would have otherwise. So your beliefs will be out of alignment with reality, and you will believe that helping me is the right thing to do when it’s actually at your expense.

    So that’s why. Changing somebody’s beliefs to my benefit at your expense is called manipulation, which is what most people think of when they think of sales or business. That I have to withhold things, otherwise you wouldn’t buy from me. And that’s to me the worst kind of business. And I also want you. To be able to recognize when it’s happening so that you aren’t taken in by somebody who is managing the narrative to their benefit and your expense.

    That’s why I love talking about persuasion. And influence. So to me, changing somebody’s behavior to everybody’s benefit is what influence is. The example I’d like to use is going to a restaurant. I don’t need you to believe that this is the best restaurant. On planet Earth, I know that they’ve got something that you like.

    I know that they’ve got something that I like and I know that it’s a good environment for the reason that we are getting together. Are we celebrating, uh, an anniversary? Is this a business thing or did we lose somebody and we need somewhere quiet that we can kind of get together and, and, uh, connect that way?

    So, I don’t need you to believe it. I just need you to agree to go to this restaurant so that we can have the right kind of experience. So that’s what influence is, is changing behavior to everybody’s benefit. Persuasion is changing your belief and persuasion is the thing that is the most powerful because your beliefs inform your decisions, your behavior, and the actions that you take.

    So if you can change somebody’s beliefs, you’re going to change their behavior moving forward from that point on. So that’s why persuasion is the most powerful and. It takes a lot of time to do it right, and to me, the biggest difference is between the intention of are you trying to help everybody involved or are you out for just yourself at the expense of everybody else, which is a win losee?

    Or are you in a win-win across time and space and multiple relationships? So that’s why I think of it as. Kind of a quadrant of mind control of am I trying to change your beliefs or your behavior to benefit me or me and you and everybody else? That’s kind of the landscape of influence, persuasion, manipulation, and coercion.

    So hopefully that helps you understand what somebody means when they’re saying persuasion is icky because it means manipulating people. That’s why there are different words, but most people think of them all as the same thing. But now you understand that topology and you can make your way through it as you see fit.

    So if you like stuff like this, you would love to be on my email list where I talk about persuasion in sales negotiation, business relationships everywhere all the time. I send those out every weekday. You can go to

    good persuasion.com.

    If you like more videos like this, I would highly suggest that you check out this one or subscribe to the channel.

    So that you don’t miss anything else as I put it out. Thank you so much for watching, and as always, I like to say if you can change your mind, you can change your life.

  • 4 Quadrants of Mind Control

    4 Quadrants of Mind Control

    “Ok Peter, if this is going to be a scientific demonstration, it needs to be a double blind test. That means I’m going to put you in an. . . isolation booth.”
    I walk over to my case and pull out a brown paper grocery bag.

    “Ladies and gentlemen,” I say as I open it, “Chicago’s finest isolation booth!”

    I slowly lower it over Peter’s head until he’s completely blindfolded.

    Why in the world would anyone I barely know let me put a paper bag over their head; let alone have fun doing it?

    I’m a master of influence.

    And this makes people uncomfortable.

    You can see it when I explain what I do for a living. “I’m a professional mentalist. I basically convince people I can read their minds using various techniques of influence.”

    Their eyebrows raise ever so slightly as they lean back. (They won’t admit it but they’re secretly worried I’m going to reveal all their deepest, darkest fears.)

    I don’t blame them. Who wouldn’t feel uncomfortable being in the same room with someone who could really do that?

    But, that fear stems from a common misconception that influence, persuasion, manipulation, & coercion are all the same thing.

    Unwitting Influence

    If you’ve ever had a conversation with someone and you were trying to get them to see your point of view, you were trying to be influential. If you’ve ever tried to convince your sweetie to go camping with you, you were trying to be influential. If you’ve ever explained how something could be a win-win situation, you were trying to be influential.

    Maybe you were successful, maybe you weren’t. The fact remains you were trying to influence another person.

    As is every single person alive, every day since the dawn of time.

    Some people come by this naturally. They seem to instinctively know what to say during a conversation to get the outcome they want.

    But most people don’t. They’re shooting in the dark.

    People who lack the natural grace of conversational influence seem to miss the subtle clues that provide valuable feedback you can use to shift tactics midstream.

    Even people who are good at conversational influence rely on one or two strategies that have worked over the years.

    I have a whole toolbox full of ’em.

    This is handy because influence isn’t limited to figuring out where we should eat lunch today. Influence plays out in courtrooms, boardrooms, bedrooms, and everywhere between.

    4 Quadrants

    Years ago I wanted to understand how influence, persuasion, manipulation, & coercion intermingle so I came up with a way to graph their placement.

    Imagine a 4 quadrant graph made from two lines that meet at right angles.

    One is vertical, and the other is horizontal.

    The vertical line has “Behavior” at the top, and “Belief” at the bottom. The horizontal line has “Self” on the left, and “Others” on the right.


    The X & Y axis represent two questions:

    1. What are you trying to change: behavior or beliefs?
    2. Who does it benefit: only yourself, or everyone involved?

    Influence affects behavior. Persuasion affects beliefs.

    If you’re trying to change someone’s choice, that’s influence. If you’re trying to change a belief that governs their choices, that’s persuasion.

    Positive Side

    As long as the intent of your influence or persuasion is to benefit everyone involved, then we can usually assume it’s a net positive effort when we do our moral calculus.

    Negative Side

    When most people are uncomfortable with influence or persuasion, it’s usually when done with the sole intention of benefitting the person doing the influencing.

    This is known as manipulation & coercion.

    Manipulation is the unethical attempt to change someone’s beliefs by way of lying, withholding the truth, or other subversive techniques. Coercion is attempting to produce a particular outcome by any means necessary.

    If the intent of your persuasion is to solely benefit yourself without concern for the impact it has on others affected, you’re being manipulative. If the intent of your influence is to benefit yourself with no concern for the negative impact it has on others, you’re being coercive.

    This “ends justify the means” approach is the path to utter destruction of your self, your relationships, and your ability to connect with other people.

    This is what we call “The Dark Side.”

    Filled Out

    Now, when you think about interactions you have with people, you can have a better idea of whether you’re trying to be influential, persuasive, manipulative, or coercive.

    The more detailed & nuanced your language is, the more adept you will be at its use.

    Influence is a Tool

    Just like with fire, handguns, a knife, or anything else it lacks inherent morality; whether it’s good or bad is based on how you use it.

    If you want to get better at achieving outcomes that not only help you, but also help everyone involved (the mythical land of Win-Win), then you absolutely must practice the skill of understanding what the other person wants. This is why thinking like a mind reader can help you in every area of your life.

    Only then can you use powerful language to communicate why your path will get them what they want.

    You will be like a mental Kung Fu master.

    They never fight strength head-on. Instead, they see where the energy is coming from, then move to blend with it. This allows them to take control without the other person feeling a thing.

    It is the masterful blending and redirecting of a conversation you must master if you want to use your powers of influence for good, and not evil.

    The Right Way to Do Wrong

    A while back I wrote a short article on a book Houdini wrote in the 1906 titled “The Right Way to Do Wrong.”

    (audiobook & PDF available at my store)

    Within its pages Houdini explains how to con people out of money, how to pick locks, break into buildings, among other dastardly skills.

    Reporters challenged his books as being dangerous, ill advised, and in poor taste.

    “How dare you teach people how to lie, steal, and cheat!”

    His reason for writing it is as good now as it was back then.

    “The better educated you are about the skills & techniques used by those who would try to do you harm, the better equipped you are to defend yourself from them.”

    Bad people are already using manipulation and coercion to get their way, every day. Why should you, the good guy, intentionally cripple your ability to recognize & defend yourself from those people?

    Methods

    Coercion

    The technique that’s most effective in this quadrant is the use (or threat of using) force; whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, etc. it doesn’t matter.

    The most expedient way to get someone to do something that benefits you is to put a gun to their head and make them do it. My idea is any time violence is introduced to a human relationship, it is fundamentally immoral.

    Manipulation

    The best way to manipulate people is to deprive them of the facts & information they need to make a fully informed decision. The way to do that is to lie. Withhold information to maximize your ability to change someone’s beliefs to be more favorable to your position.

    Persuasion

    It takes a remarkable amount of effort to understand someone’s position, and see how what you’re proposing could benefit them. That’s why so few people are good at being persuasive! If you want to help change someone’s beliefs, you have to demonstrate how everyone’s lives will be better with that new set of ideas about how the world works.

    Influence

    Really, the only way to influence someone is to withhold nothing, use no violence, and propose nothing that will violate that person’s beliefs. Only then will you be able to influence someone towards doing something you want to do. This is a much higher standard than either manipulation or coercion, but it’s the only way I think you could sleep well at night.

    What Say You?

    Do you think you’re free from influence? Do you prefer the term “psychological direction?”

    And if I might influence you to share this post with your friends? It will help me by getting more eyeballs on my writing. It will help you because your friend will appreciate you thinking of them. And it will help you friend equip themselves against those who would do them harm.

    It’s win-win-win!

  • The Right Way to do Wrong

    The Right Way to do Wrong

    A question I get asked a lot on podcasts & interviews isn’t really a question, it’s more of a statement.

    “I bet you can manipulate people, huh?”

    Well, yeah. That’s what I get paid to do, and it’s why I started [     ] Like A Mind Reader in the first place; teach others the tricks of influence & psychological direction.

    Historical Precedence

    In 1906 Harry Houdini (the most famous magician of all time) wrote a book called “The Right Way to Do Wrong.” In the preface he says this:

    The object of this book is twofold: First, to safeguard the public against the practices of the criminal classes by exposing their various tricks and explaining the adroit methods by which they seek to defraud. “Knowledge is power” is an old saying. I might paraphrase it in this case by saying knowledge is safety. I wish to put the public on its guard, so that honest folks may be able to detect and protect themselves from the dishonest, who labor under the false impression that it is easier to live dishonestly than to thrive by honest means.

    The part that really grabs my attention is “Knowledge is safety.”

    The psychological techniques & tools I cover in my consulting, coaching, & personal work are exactly the same used by big corporations, advertising, and the unscrupulous.

    Just like any tool, it can be used for good or evil, and it’s up to the person using them to never use them for nefarious means.

    But only through education & knowledge of the techniques can one protect themselves from it. We’re influenced and manipulated every day by those who would strive to relieve you of the burden of your hard-won money.

    Conclusion

    I’ll wrap up my thoughts with the words of Houdini:

    The work of collecting and arranging this material and writing the different chapters has occupied many a leisure hour. My only wish is that “The Right Way to Do Wrong” may amuse and entertain my readers and place the unwary on their guard. If my humble efforts in collecting and writing these facts shall accomplish this purpose, I shall be amply repaid, and feel that my labor has not been in vain. ~Harry Houdini, Handcuff King and Jail Breaker

    UPDATE

    “The Right Way To Do Wrong” is now available as a PDF + Audiobook bundle! Read & listen to it wherever you go.

    BUY NOW