I’m not gonna lie: ropes courses freak me out & I almost didn’t go up.
Put my life in the hands of some bored teenager to “feel a sense of community & trust?”
No thanks.
But it does look like fun . . .
Tag: trust
3 Sales Skills To Master
There are three skills you need to master if you want a career in sales. These are bedrock skills that I learned from my time touring the world as a professional mind reader. Enjoy!
5 Dimensions To Successful Sales With Storytelling
Growing up in the Appalachian mountains meant I was surrounded by storytellers.
Whether it’s folklore, tall tales, or making small talk it seemed like everyone in the mountains of North Carolina has the gift of gab.
One year in college I even took a storytelling class. We studied music, narrative structure, pacing, character development, suspense, tension, and more.
Through the years I continue to see more and more parallels between effective sales, negotiations, and presentations.
It’s all just storytelling.
What’s your story?
It’s a common conversation starter, and for good reason.
We understand everything through the lens of story.
The facts and figures help us make quantitative decisions, but the quality dimension is always within a context (and that context is the story you’re telling yourself, someone is telling you, or you’re telling them).
Branding is your story. Marketing is telling your story. Sales is helping someone believe your story. Referral marketing is helping someone tell your story to their friends.
Learn To Do It Right
Since everything is storytelling, it makes sense to dedicate some effort to getting better at it.
To that end I wanted to share five details that you should consider.
1: Accept the mantle
If you’ve ever told someone how your day went, you’re a storyteller. If you’ve ever given someone your “elevator pitch” then you’ve told them a story. If you’ve ever tried to get your friends to watch your favorite movie, then you’re a storyteller.
You’re already doing it so you might as well take it seriously.
You might have a lot of baggage to work through.
- I don’t like being long-winded.
- I hated Aesop’s fables.
- I’m not imaginative.
- Nobody wants to hear what I have to say.
Whatever those roadblocks are, the first step to breaking through them is being honest with yourself about the fact that you’re already a storyteller whether you want it or not.
You can’t avoid it.
To be human is to tell stories.
2: Avoid the Superman problem
You know what that is?
He’s too perfect.
He can fly. He’s impervious. He has X-ray vision. He can move faster than a speeding bullet.
BORING.
At least he has one weakness; kryptonite.
Without a single flaw, Superman wouldn’t be worth paying attention to.
What could someone like that teach me about being the fallible creature that I am?
So don’t hide the tough parts of your story.
I know you’d rather not talk about your most embarrassing and regretful decisions, but they are a part of what makes you you.
In fact, it probably makes you more relatable to people.
Me? I’ve been divorced. I had my car repossessed. TWICE!
I’m not proud of those years of my life, but I also don’t hide from them either.
Share the struggle.
Which leads us to the next point.
3: Don’t fix what’s not broken
Struggle is part of the classic story structure that looks like this:
- The hero
- Is challenged
- And overcomes
- Leaves transformed
This is a framework that has withstood the test of time. The earliest oral-tradition stories and the latest Hollywood blockbuster follow this framework.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel here.
That’s why sharing your struggles is doubly important: it helps the listener/reader experience tension instead of just glossing over details.
4: They’re the hero
Everyone is the hero of their own story and an NPC in everyone else’s.
And maybe featured in an extended director’s cut scene if they’re lucky.
But this is important enough I’m going to say it again, but big this time.
Everyone is the hero of their own story and an NPC in everyone else’s.
This is a huge lesson if you’re in sales or consulting of any sort.
The temptation is to present yourself as this heroic character who has overcome obstacles and vanquished demons.
Great!
But how does that help me?
Instead of focusing on your own adventure, tell them the story of why you’re the best guide to help them conquer their own dragons. Be the trusted guide and advisor who shows them the path to their own greatness.
This is next level storytelling: help them tell their own story of success.
Which leads us to the final detail.
5: Encourage others to tell their own story
Everybody loves talking about themselves.
Even you.
Don’t fall into the trap of only talking about yourself. Give others the permission to share their adventures.
They want to do it anyway!
And if you’re the one who gives them the encouragement to talk about their favorite topic (themselves), then they’re going to love you all the more for it.
So become a master at helping others be better storytellers by asking great questions. Provided engagement through active listening skills.
Master this skill and you’ll never be without friends.
Lessons Learned
One day I was at Wendy’s with my Mom and we had just gotten our order. I asked her to get me some ketchup. Seeing as how I was old enough to get it myself, she told me as much.
But I was so shy I’d rather go without something that I wanted than talk to a stranger.
After years of acting this way, I realized that it was always the “obnoxious” people who seemed to get what they wanted, and I realized that the reason I didn’t like them was that they didn’t seem to hate themselves for the reasons I hated myself.
So I made a decision to get better at being outgoing, and I learned how to juggle knives when I was 13 years old.
That was my way of putting myself out there.
I quickly understood that having a strong network of people who know you’re amazing is an amazing resource.
I think that’s why I had an intuition (if not an explicit understanding) of the value of storytelling.
Being able to tell someone what you’re all about in a way that captures their imagination is a powerful skill.
Even better if you can get them to tell you their story in a way that makes them feel powerful!
Ultimately the lesson is this: humans are storytelling creatures. Since before the dawn of time we’ve spun tales around the campfire, and all human relationships are maintained on the threads of our shared stories.
Take it seriously.
Effective Soft Skills 101
Every year businesses focus on scaling. That means less time spent on soft skills and more time spent on automation. This creates an environment that forgets the essential ingredient of long term success: people.
Every part of your business involves a person at some point. Arguably, this makes the human dimension of your company the most important deciding factor of success or failure.
No matter how big or small your business, it lives or dies on trust.
Now that the old world of “word of mouth and handshakes” has been thrown into the digital marketplace, it’s even more difficult to create genuine connections with your customers.
How can you help build trust in a digital context?
That’s Where Soft Skills Come Into The Picture
Soft skills is a broad heading that includes a lot of different techniques, mindset shifts, interpersonal skills, time management, and more. Broadly speaking it’s anything that helps you connect with other people.
Hiring for personality first, and technical ability later (because you can teach skills but you can’t teach disposition) is an integral skill for any hiring manager.
As a leader you need to be able to get your company on board with your vision in you want an effective team. Getting buy-in from your company is a soft skill.
If you are looking for investors you know that you don’t need to just find money; you need to find the right money. This is a function of finding someone who believes in the value of what you’re doing, and trusts your ability to deliver on your word. This is the world of soft skills.
If you are a salesperson looking to land more business, you need to be able to connect with a lead and help them feel like you understand their situation. Only then will the trust your advice on what will solve their problems. How quickly you can do that is part of your soft skills toolbox.
Even if you are an e-commerce / dropshipper! Soft skills are essential. You need to be able to communicate through your website’s copy and visuals to your customer. They will either trust the site with their credit card information, or they’ll just “not feel right about it” and bounce. Understanding their experience is a soft skill.
Maybe you are in the research and development team at a Fortune 500 company. You’ve just made a huge discovery that will make the company millions of dollars. You try to tell management, but they’re “just not getting it.” That is a failure of your ability to communicate the value of your discovery. And you guessed it, a failure of soft skills.
What, exactly, are soft skills?
People do business with the people they trust. They’re more likely to trust you if you like you. They will like you if they can understand what you’re trying to say to them. So, soft skills are the areas you need to practice in order to connect with people in less time with less effort.
Basically it’s everything that’s not technical skills.
Communication skills
It’s not what you say; it’s what your audience hears. This is difficult enough in person even when you can see body language, hear tone of voice, eye contact, etc.
Online it’s even more difficult when you’re staring into an unblinking lens with zero feedback about how well your message is coming across.
On the sales page communication is the most difficult since you’re relying entirely on the written word (and the reading comprehension of your customer).
Rapport
One of the goals of communication is to help your audience feel a connection with you and your message. It loosely translates to “likeability” or “trust.” It’s agreement, mutual understanding, and empathy all rolled into one that makes communication easier.
Motivation
One of my mentors told me there are three elements to motivation:
- You can’t motivate anyone
- Everyone is motivated
- They’re motivated for their own reasons
From a leadership perspective, the trick is to build a relationship where the employee feels comfortable explaining why they keep coming to work.
- I want to buy a house
- I’m providing for a family
- My parents need some help
Once you know why they’re showing up to work every day, you can help them understand how doing their best at work is the best strategy to achieving those goals. Now their natural motivation is aligned to the mission of the business. None of this would happen without trust, communication, and rapport.
Flexibility
Every successful business has processes built in for every step of the acquisition and delivery part of the company. Sometimes, however, teams can get too focused on the “how” (process) and forget the “why” (to help our customers).
When your team says things like “but we always do it this way” you’re running the risk of ignoring situations where that process doesn’t help a customer. You might even be outsourcing a lot of the pain of solving problems onto the customer just because your process demands it.
This is very bad business.
If, instead, you have a team that understands the goal, you can remain open to new ways of delivering results. This is the heart of flexibility.
Most people are resistant to change, so rewarding innovation and new ideas is a profoundly effective soft skill.
Problem Solving
This is entwined with flexibility. Finding new ways of thinking about problems, opportunities, resources, and connections is all based on creativity, innovation, and non-linear approaches to resource management.
That’s just a fancy way of saying soft skills.
Why Are Soft Skills Important?
Hopefully I’ve already made the case clear. Every single part of your business is affected by how well (or poorly) your people can connect with each other and your customers.
If you have spent a majority of your time focusing on the technical side of your company (scale! automate! outsource!) then you have a lot of opportunity to improve things by addressing the human side of things (connect! communicate! commit!).
If that’s you, send me an email about how we can get you one of my training workshops. They are available online as well as in person (when they’re safe to do).
Crypto Investment
ZOMG! IT’S ALL CRASHING!
Cryptocurrencies are having a rough go of it lately, and there’s a lot of fear in the market right now with articles like this springing up everywhere:
But, are they really doomed?Only if you’re not thinking about them correctly.
Cryptocurrencies aren’t an experiment in non-fiat approaches to money. They’re an incredibly powerful dynamic that hinges on multiple disciplines like the internet, cryptography, powerhouse computing, and more. It can be a complicated subject, but here’s what’s at its heart.
Treat crypto as a trading opportunity, and you’re going to lose everything. Treat crypto as an investment opportunity, and you have everything to gain.
Take the long view. Speculators are losing their shirts as the brand new market finds its legs. Remember, people tend to vastly over-inflate a new technology’s short term capacity, and vastly underestimate its long term possibilities.
Not All About Confidence
Commentators love pointing to the “falling confidence levels” in crypto as a currency, but here’s what they’re not talking about: crypto’s cap isn’t based solely on the market’s confidence in crypto. Its value is also a function of the market’s distrust of traditional fiat.
Crypto and the decentralized approach to transactions are a direct assault on the FED’s continued efforts to deflate the dollar’s value.Zoom Out
But, before we get bogged down in the “traditional vs. new blood” conversation about fiat vs crypto, let’s take a minute to zoom out and ask:
What is crypto good for, anyways?
Bitcoin was lauded as an ideal currency due to its distributed, trustless, cryptography-backed nature, but with transaction fees (or mining incentives if you prefer) skyrocketing, its viability as a day-to-day option for purchasing small goods has evaporated with them.
Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily.Function of Money
In the history before money, exchanges were done directly. One thing for another; barter.
Bartering is extremely limited. What if I have something you want, but you don’t have something I want? No trade is possible, and we both lose out.
And, what if I want to move somewhere else? If all my value is stored in actual goods, I could potentially lose everything I own in one fell swoop.
That’s the two purposes of money:- Facilitate trade by abstracting goods & services away from what they are to a representation of what they’re worth
- A store of value
The first money technology was receipts for rice stored in government silos. Then metal coins came along which was a significant advancement in market potential. Now, a single coin could represent massive amounts of actual goods.
Then, along comes paper money, but you have to trust the government who is in charge of printing the money to not print too much of it (otherwise its value goes down due to that pesky supply/demand thing).
Problem with paper currency, however, is its lack of privacy (try moving anything over $10,000. There’s a hell of a lot of paperwork. Why should I have to get permission from Dad to get what’s mine?), tons of fees (every time someone’s involved in a transaction, they get their cut. When completing a payment there are multiple banks, intermediaries, processing houses, etc involved), possibility of false duplicates (forgery, anybody?), and on down the list it goes.
Cryptocurrencies solve all those problems.
At the barter level I have to trust you. On the paper currency level I have to trust the government. On the crypto level I have to trust thousands of years of scientific progress and math.
So, while traditional entities like government benefit from centralized control of fiat currencies, cyptocurrencies offer a bright future & alternative to staying in a rigged game against progress and development.
Buy in for the long haul, and you’re betting on human progress.It’s a sure thing in my eyes. But don’t just trust me; it’s smart science, too.
Objections, Your Honor
Whenever I talk with anyone in sales, this question invariably pops up:
“How would you suggest I deal with objections?”
Short answer:
Don’t do anything objectionable.
Long Answer:
Take a seat.
Objections can take many forms. Maybe it’s about budget. Timing. Needing to talk with a partner before making big decisions.
Whatever they’re telling you, it’s a smoke screen.
The reason they give is never what the objection is truly about. No matter what the excuse, here’s the real issue:Lack of Trust
Maybe they don’t trust you. Maybe they don’t trust themselves. Maybe they don’t trust whatever you’re selling to do what they need done.
Maybe they don’t trust their ability to do what you say they can do.
Maybe they don’t trust their team to follow through.How do you find out?
You’re not a mind reader, so the only other option is to treat their objection as a request for more information. They need to know more about you, what you’re selling, other people who have bought from you previously, their results, how people like them have fared with your services, etc.
Objections are really only objections when you’ve done something inappropriate. Otherwise, they’re a request to build more trust.
People Are Judging You
When I walk on stage, people are asking themselves 2 questions:
- Can I trust this person?
- Can I respect this person?
In life it’s no different.
Every person you meet is asking themselves those two questions about you in the first seconds of your conversation.
This article is how I, as a professional liar (ie: Mentalist), still get people to trust me despite them knowing I’m going to lie to them. You can apply these principles no matter how big or small your stage; whether it’s on national TV, Carnegie Hall, a boardroom, or a first date.“An Honest Liar”
That’s one of my favorite sayings from my mentor, James Randi. There’s a 2014 documentary about him titled “An Honest Liar” and it’s an incredible dive into the life & myth of a showman.
So how do you get a room full of people to trust you when they know you’re going to lie to them? Tell them you’re going to lie to them. That’s the “honest” part.
Be up front with people about what you’re looking for. Own up to what you want out of life.
If you keep people guessing as to your intentions, they’re not going to trust you.It also helps to love your audience.
My great friend David Hira is one of the best speakers in the business. He worked in the corporate world for years as an executive of a major company before going full-time with his speaking career.
He told me about a conversation he had with the daughter of an old-time magician named Thurston. She said her father would stand behind the curtain as people were arriving, and imagine every seat in the auditorium and tell each person who came to see him perform, “I love you!” Every single seat.
When he was done, they’d open the curtains and he’d step forward radiating his love for the audience. His audience would immediately feel the warmth in his smile as he genuinely loved his audience.
Here’s an excerpt from “How to Win Friends & Influence People” where Carnegie interviewed Thurston about this, too.Thurston had a genuine interest in people. He told me that many magicians would look at the audience and say to themselves, “Well, there is a bunch of suckers out there, a bunch of hicks; I’ll fool them all right.” But Thurston’s method was totally different. He told me that every time he went on stage he said to himself: “I am grateful because these people come to see me, They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I’m going to give them the very best I possibly can.”
He declared he never stepped in front of the footlights without first saying to himself over and over: “I love my audience. I love my audience.” Ridiculous? Absurd? You are privileged to think anything you like. I am merely passing it on to you without comment as a recipe used by one of the most famous magicians of all time.How could you not fall in love with someone who radiates that kind of love for you?
If you want people to trust you, you have to be warm and genuinely be interested in letting people past your defences.“I don’t get no respect!”
Rodney Dangerfield was a comedian who used that catchphrase for decades. His act was one story after another about how the people in his life would walk all over him.
It’s absolutely hilarious. . . until it happens to you.
Respect is a function of how competent people think you are. Dangerfield’s character was a bumbling idiot, so it made sense that he’d get no respect.
Audiences want the performer to be competent.
There’s nothing more awkward than watching a magician bumbling his way through a routine. He lacks the skills, polish, and experience to do his job properly. It shows a lack of consideration & respect for his audience, so it’s no mystery why he would lose the respect of the crowd.Too Much of a Good Thing
Ironically, however, in life off-stage too much focus on competence is actually hurtful. Too often people focus most of their energy on developing the work skills (competence) at the expense of the people skills (warmth & trust).
If people don’t trust you first, your skills will be seen as a threat.
Make sure you’re not missing the human element of the equation. That’s why the social butterflies seem to get all the promotions & opportunities even if they may not have your skills.
Learn how to connect with people first. Let them know who you are. Then they’ll care about what you can do.
Once you master that, you’ll make friends everywhere you go!Like vs Trust
If I’m going to have surgery done, the single most important factor in deciding who my surgeon is (besides what insurance I have), is whether or not I trust they can get the job done right.
I don’t care how terse they are in the consultation. I don’t care that they didn’t ask about my hobbies.
Trust is all-important.
But that’s not the end of the story.High School Debate
I took debate as an elective in high school a whopping 6 times, and participated in tournaments enough that I earned a membership in the National Forensics League (NFL).
NFL debate tournaments were hosted at a variety of surrounding high schools (complete with trophy ceremonies, and everything). This is where I learned how to be comfortable speaking in front of a crowd.
The set-up is like this: There’s a “should” statement called the Resolution. For example, “We should respect the right to life.” Then you’re assigned the Affirmative role (you support the resolution), or the Opposition role (you argue against the resolution).
The Affirmative debater would go first to build their case. Then there’s 3 minutes for cross examination where the Opposition could ask clarifying questions. The Opposition could choose to go with the straight refutation strategy (only focus on why the Affirmative’s case doesn’t hold water), or the Refute & Build strategy (argue against Affirmative, and then present their own case to go against the resolution). Then Affirmative has a chance to speak again before the Opposition has the closing remarks.
That’s my whole world from 9th grade on through into college.What does all this have to do with liking & trusting?
Everything, really. The question of whether trust or likability is better is a perfect example of a beginner’s debate tactic:
The false dichotomy: A logical fallacy that artificially assumes there are only 2 outcomes when there are, in fact, many other possibilities. Often called black-and-white thinking.
The question “which is more important” tends to direct your thinking into focusing solely on one or the other, instead of realizing you’ll do a lot more business with both.
Turns out, doctors who spend a little more time with patients, being personable, paying attention (instead of only looking at their charts), etc. are sued less often than doctors who are more to-the-point.
It’s in everyone’s best interest is the doctor is, in fact, trustworthy and likable.
Same goes for you.
Sure, I can do business with someone I don’t like if I trust they’ll deliver what they promise, but I’m going to continue doing business with someone I like and trust.
Being one doesn’t preclude your ability to be the other. It’s not a binary system. Being likable and trustworthy will gain you business, as well as prevent you from losing business in the long run.